Mindful Fathering®: Enhancing Relationships Between Fathers and Their Loved Ones

This post was written with contribution from Ena Burbano, Yorktown Child, Youth and Family Therapist

Yorktown Family Services’ Mindful Fathering program is a weekly group for fathers who have demonstrated abusive behaviours towards their loved ones, particularly their children and (ex)-partner, and are wanting to enhance their relationship with them. The program utilizes psycho-educational elements and allows for self-reflection, which can lead to accountability of behaviours from a non-judgmental and trauma-focused lens.

The program also supports fathers to enhance their parenting skills, as well as supports their journey of becoming the fathers they want to be by providing them with opportunities throughout the program to learn mindfulness strategies, which allows them to better regulate their emotions, with a particular focus on anger.  While the program is 12-14 weeks, there are six core components that make up the Mindful Fathering program including:

1. Being a Dad
2. Hopes and Dreams
3. Being a Man
4. Pathways to Abuse
5. Understanding your Child
6. Making Connections and Practicing

These six core components help guide the weekly discussions and self-reflections that in turn allow for the fathers who participate to achieve their goals and the goals of the program itself: enhancing the relationship with their loved ones.

Meet Our Mindful Fathering Intake Worker Ena!

Ena is a Child, Youth and Family Therapist at Yorktown Family Services. In her role, she supports families dealing with many challenges that impact their mental health. We asked Ena what she loves about her role at Yorktown Family Services and specifically within the Mindful Fathering program:

“I continue to hone in on my skills and feel very privileged to be allowed to support individuals on their journey to a healthier self,” says Ena. “My skills have also allowed me an opportunity to take on the role of Intake Worker for the Mindful Fathering program, a role that I respect deeply because it allows me to get to know the fathers as they start their journey to be the fathers they want to be. Through the Mindful Fathering program, fathers learn to be better versions of themselves, enhance their parenting skills, and more importantly, realize ways that they can have a more positive relationship with their children as well as the other members of their family, including the other parent so that together, they can continue to parent positively and safely, free from abuse. It is a wonderful honour to watch our fathers grow through this program and reach their true potential as a father.”

Who Should Participate in Mindful Fathering?

The Mindful Fathering program enables fathers to overcome fears and worries of being judged, build skills in self-reflection, and learn to take accountability so that positive change can happen. Mindful Fathering is also for the father who is seeking healthier and safer parenting strategies.

Fathers who attend the program come from diverse backgrounds and life experiences. Like Ben, who after losing his wife, was struggling to parent his two daughters Rose and Dana. After Rose’s suicide attempt, Ben, Rose, and Dana were referred to Yorktown for on-going counselling, and shortly thereafter Ben was referred to the Mindful Fathering program.

“I was offended when the therapist at the Yorktown walk-in clinic suggested I attend Mindful Fathering. It is a program for abusive fathers and I didn’t take the suggestion very well. He told me he used to facilitate Mindful Fathering and said, ‘Trust me, this will answer so many of your questions. You will do great in this program.’ I started the program when the next session was offered and it really, really changed me,” says Ben. He adds “I feel that all this pain and the roller coaster ride that I’ve been on these last 5 or 6 years is starting to make sense and I can help my kids. I can actually grow from this. This sad situation has now become somehow beautiful at the same time.”

Read Ben, Rose and Dana’s full story here and learn more about how therapy and Mindful Fathering changed their relationship as a family!

Misconceptions About Mindful Fathering

Like Ben, many fathers have misconceptions or preconceived ideas about the Mindful Fathering program–until they participate in the sessions. While Ben wasn’t physically assaulting his daughters, there are various forms of abuse that can affect the mental well-being of your loved ones; like anger and yelling.

The program explains about these different types of abuse and provides strategies and tactics to help you manage your feelings and behaviour. Here are some other misconceptions about the program:

Myth: You have to have mindfulness strategies to participate.
​Fact: Mindfulness is for everyone and can be learned by anyone!

Myth: Some Fathers think it is just a parenting program or just an anger management group.
​Fact: Mindful Fathering is so much more than either of those things. It is a program that supports fathers to self-reflect, explore stereotypes of masculinity and fatherhood, and uphold accountability for their behaviours.

Myth: The facilitators can make recommendations on your parenting capacity.
​Fact: The facilitators cannot make recommendations on your parenting capacity, as fathers participate in the program without their children.

Myth: Mindful Fathering is mandated.
​Fact: While participating in the Mindful Fathering program may be suggested to fathers’, the program is voluntary and fathers will only be accepted into the program if they are ready and willing to participate.

Myth: Mindful Fathering cost money.
​Fact: Mindful Fathering is actually free and includes weekly dinner and TTC fare!

Myth: Mindful Fathering is a program where your parenting style and ability to manage anger are judged.
​Fact: Participants in Mindful Fathering are not judged. Fathers are supported on their journey of self-development and self-reflection they develop the skills that enable them to improve their relationships with their children and others.

Yorktown’s Mindful Fathering program runs twice a year in the Fall and the Spring and supports fathers to become the fathers they want to be! If this program sounds like something you, or someone you love would be interested in participating in, please visit our website to learn more and to register for our next session.