How to be a Mindful Father

This post was written with contribution from Ena Burbano, Yorktown Child, Youth and Family Therapist

“I hate yelling at you!”

“You just don’t listen!”

“Because I said so!”

Do you find yourself saying these statements often? Well, don’t worry, you’re not alone! Being a mindful father can be especially frustrating when you feel like you’re not getting through to your kids.

But how do you be a more mindful father? Many people ask themselves this very question. At Yorktown Family Services we offer a Mindful Fathering program that addresses this very topic and supports fathers by providing them the tools to equip themselves to be the fathers they want to be.

One of the things we discuss in our Mindful Fathering program is what it means to be a father and a mother. Many of our participants have different views on what these roles mean.  

According to some past participants a father is…

• A protector
• Loving
• Someone who is a present and an available partner both emotionally and physically
• A provider
• A disciplinarian
• The “Man of the House”

According to some past participants a mother is…

• Nurturing and caring
• Loving
• The protector of the children
• Responsible for the household chores like cooking and cleaning and childrearing

During our Mindful Fathering sessions we’ll discuss the stigmas and stereotypes around what it means to be both a father and a mother, and how our preconceived ideas of each role provides a perspective for how we conduct ourselves daily.

Stigmas and Stereotypes of a Father

For example, in our last session of Mindful Fathering, one of our participants said that he thought that fathers who demonstrated their feelings, who helped care for the children, or who helped with the household chores of cooking and cleaning are not masculine. He said fathers should look muscular, and present as strong, should not cry or demonstrate any type of weakness or fears and that fathers do not ask for help. 

Stigmas and Stereotypes of a Mother

Another participant said that mothers are seen as “super mom”, and that her needs do not need to be considered because she is strong and does not get sick or tired. He said “moms do not have needs of their own, and that they want to do all the work, and that they enjoy this role, because all women want to be is a mom. 

These stigmas and stereotypes can really hold you back from being the father and partner you want to be and during our sessions we’ll dive deeper into these ideas. 

Some people think that Mindful Fathering is “just another anger management program”, but it’s so much more than that! One of the goals is to support fathers to self-reflect, explore the stereotypes of masculinity and fatherhood, and uphold accountability for their behaviours, so that they can be more mindful fathers.

Click the video below to watch this inspirational video on what it means to “be a man”.

What is a MINDFUL father?

You’ll learn during our sessions that a mindful father understands their child(ren)’s physical and emotional needs. You’ll learn about the ages and stages of children so that expectations are realistic and so that as a father, you can respond appropriately to their needs without placing pressure on them to conform to your expectations, but rather enable them to meet their individual milestones. You’ll also learn about being mindful of your interactions with your loved ones, like being aware of your body language, tone of your voice, and facial expressions so that you are not perceived as threatening or unapproachable.

The Mindful Fathering program will enable you to build your skills in self-reflection and self-awareness so that you can respond with love and support.  You will be able to share your  thoughts and feelings with your loved ones in a way that is truthful and without embarrassment  – because talking about your feelings and saying sorry when you are wrong, does not make you less of a man.

Yorktown’s Mindful Fathering program runs twice a year in the Fall and the Spring and supports fathers to become the fathers they want to be! If this program sounds like something you, or someone you love would be interested in participating in, please visit our website to learn more and to register for our next session.