Supporting Grieving Children: Advice from Yorktown Family Services’ Growing with Grief Youth Advisory Council

As we recognize Children’s Grief Awareness Month this November, Yorktown Family Services’ Growing with Grief Youth Advisory Council (GWG YAC) shares their invaluable insights on supporting grieving children and youth. These young members, all of whom have experienced bereavement firsthand, provide a unique perspective on what grieving children need from the adults around them. Their advice aims to foster empathy, understanding, and actionable support for those navigating the complex emotions of grief. In honour of Children’s Grief Awareness Day, on November 21, the GWG YAC offer key insights for anyone seeking to help a grieving child feel seen and supported.

Validating Emotions without Making Kids Feel Like an “Inconvenience”

One of the most important ways adults can support grieving children is by making them feel heard and validated. When adults initiate conversations about grief it can help young people to integrate the new experience they’re journeying through, helping to normalize the feelings they may be holding.Children often feel overwhelmed when they face significant loss, especially if it’s their first experience with bereavement. Adults typically have more tools to manage the emotions that come with grief, but children may struggle to find words or ways to express how they feel inside. Offering a safe, non-judgmental space for children to share about their grief can help them feel understood and supported. knowing that “We’re in this together”.

Respecting the Uniqueness of a Child’s Grief

While well-intended, comparing an adult’s experience of parental bereavement with a child’s experience of navigating the death of a parent can sometimes be unhelpful. Experiencing the death of a parent when you are in adulthood is different. Grieving children are aware of the future milestones that their person won’t be there for such as graduations, weddings, getting a driver’s license and so forth. Adults are encouraged to listen deeply without making comparisons, recognizing that each experience is unique and that while there are similarities, a child’s grief is different from an adult’s.

Balancing Grief Support and Helping Kids Feel “Normal”

While acknowledging a grieving youth’s difference from their peers is important, a greater emphasis should be placed on making them feel “normal” rather than focusing on their differences from other children.Grieving children already live with daily reminders on how they are different from their peers. Life experiences and milestones also remind bereaved children that they are in fact different. Creating a balance between supporting a child’s grief, and helping them to still feel like a “regular kid”,  involves allowing space for the child to express their feelings while also encouraging  children to reconnect with their interests and friendships. While grief is one part of who they are, it isn’t the only part. Creating opportunities for new experiences reminds children that they are not defined solely by their grief.

Understanding Grief as Puddles for Kids and A Flowing River for Adults

Children process grief differently than adults; a helpful analogy to remember is that children experience grief like jumping in and out of puddles. For a moment they are in their grief feelings, and in the next moment they’ve moved onto playing. Adult grief may feel more like a flowing river; constant and relatively stable. Both ways of experiencing and processing grief are normal, and developmentally appropriate. Adults are able to be with their emotions for longer than young people are. It’s a good reminder that just because a child jumps in and out of their grief does not mean they aren’t grieving. Adults can support grieving children by acknowledging and accepting these variations in how they process their feelings, knowing that grief is lifelong and has not stopped

Recognizing and Responding to Signs of Mental Distress

GWG YAC members shared that early on in their grief it made a significant difference when caring adults in their lives noticed changes in their mood, behaviour, or engagement, and checked in to see how they were doing. Teachers, caregivers, coaches, and other community members can make a tremendous difference in a grieving child’s life simply by paying attention, noticing, and acknowledging changes in demeanor. This demonstrates to young people that they are cared for, and not alone in their grief. Adults can then be proactive about connecting young grievers to grief support services like Growing with Grief, to provide them with tools to process their grief, and contribute to long term resiliency and well being. 

Acknowledging Socioeconomic Barriers in Grieving

Socioeconomic factors can limit families from accessing bereavement support in a time sensitive way. Growing with Grief believes that no grieving child should forgo bereavement support services because of financial constraints. This is why initiatives like Growing with Grief, which offers free and accessible grief support play an essential role. Funding services like Growing with Grief is critical in supporting the long term resiliency of grieving children, shifting from surviving to thriving with loss.

Keeping Their Memory Alive

One of the most meaningful ways to support grieving children is by talking about the person who died. While it can be difficult at times, continuing to bring the deceased into conversation helps with integrating the loss.  Adults can encourage this by sharing memories, telling stories, and discussing the deceased person’s impact on their lives. Keeping their memory alive reassures grieving children that their person’s legacy endures, helping them maintain a lasting emotional connection.

Supporting a grieving child requires a willingness to meet them where they are at in their grief. This Children’s Grief Awareness Month, we encourage everyone to be mindful of the big and small ways they can show up for, and be with a grieving child in their grief, to let them know they’re not alone. Yorktown Family Services’ Growing with Grief program is dedicated to providing compassionate support for children and youth navigating loss. Through bereavement counselling, group support, family events, and resources, Growing with Grief supports young people in building their resiliency, growing their comfort in expressing their emotions, and learning ways to honour and remember their loved ones.

Learn more about how Growing with Grief can be a resource for the children and families in your life, fostering spaces where they feel safe, supported, and understood.